Vote Cuckoo McNutty for Congress!

Hi, I'm Cuckoo McNutty, and I'm running for congress. Let me tell you what I believe.

I think that America needs to cut taxes severely in order to make our country stronger and more fiscally sound, because a government with no revenue, and which can support any government programs, is way stronger. Also, we need to look at cutting waste fraud and abuse. Now, my opponent has said things like "you haven't come up with a single concrete example of an actual program you would cut" - well, that kind of "evidence-based" thinking is just elitist and un-American. Also, I am in favor of fiscal responsiblity - sure I didn't say anything about it when George W. Bush was president, but, completely coincidentially, it became an issue for me on January 20, 2009.

Also, I am strongly in favor of liberty for everyone - well, except for the gays. Also, except where reproductive rights are concerned. I'm also in favor of religious liberty, and want people to be able to exercise their religious liberty in schools and on public property all over the place. Well, I mean, not all people, obviously. People who are the same religion as me. I mean, it's not like the constitution prohibits the government favoring one religion over another, particularly when that religion is the one true religion, right?

Also, no science in the schools. Because the constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom of science. I don't want my children learning that we humans are descended from monkeys. Do you see any half-human, half-monkey people walking around? It's a dangerous road, allowing your children to be exposed to things like "facts" and "evidence".

Also, think of me like a mama grizzly bear. Even though I'm a dude and totally manly. Nobody better get in between me and my grizzly cubs! Now, maybe you're wondering what the practical implications of all this grizzly bear talk is. You might think, "oh, you support programs that have been shown to be a huge benefit to kids like Head Start, and sCHIP, and public safety regulations that protect kids". Nope! I don't support any of that socialist nonsense. I support being able to protect my kids from all kinds of socialism and liberalism. Liberalism and progressive thinking are the biggest threat to liberty since, well, since ever!

Also, I hate the elites. Like doctors and scientists, who think they understand medicine or science better than you and I do just because they spent years studying in those fields and have earned advanced degrees. Well, I study too, at the feet of Professors Beck, Limbaugh, O'Reilly and Palin. They tell me everything I need to know. I take my advice from them, not from some group of wealthy, unelected commentators.

Also, I support free speech. But I hate the liberal media because they're always picking on me and askuing me questions I don't know the answer to.

Also, I hate tyranny, in all it's forms. Like that ObamaCare - wow, is that tyrannical! Seriously, there's no difference between ObamaCare and the gas chambers. After all, both are government programs, right? And all government programs are inherently tyrannical. Therefore, the president and all liberals are actually Nazis. Now some people say, where was your concern about "tyranny" when George W. Bush was president, with things like warrantless wiretapping, and extraordinary rendition, and detention of US citizens without habeas corpus". Now, I don't know what any of that means, but it sure sounds like more liberal lies to me.