My day in sales (an old story)

This is an old story about something that happened to me a long time ago, when I was out of work and in between jobs. Actually, it was in the Spring of 2003. Funny (at least to me) experience, so I want to write about it.



I'm a lawyer by profession, but was in between jobs back in 2003 and was considering whether maybe I should be looking at jobs outside the legal profession. I thought about what might be interesting areas to me, and because I think of myself as a reasonably creative guy, I considered jobs in advertising and marketing. So, I looked up job listings and found this one position in a city just outside of Boston. I don't want to give too much detail but I will say that there's a lively discussion here and here of the business and its pitfalls, and here's another very comprehensive overview of what I had gotten myself into. I'm just going to cover my own experience.

The first tip-off that this was going to be weird was that they responded to quickly to my resume. You know that old saying by Groucho Marx that he wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would let him in? That was the initial sense I got. But, I was desperate, and needed to work.

I went to the interview which was pretty weird. It was in this really bare-bones office with a bunch of boxes, and I had a really short interview with this guy that was the owner of the business. He was a young guy, who claimed to be educated at an Ivy League school. I remember sitting in the office beforehand, listening to the receptionist take call after call after call to set up interviews. I thought, "wow, that's a lot of interviews - pretty weird". Anyway, the interview was short, but long enough for me to figure out that this was a business, the foundation of which was door-to-door sales. Yikes. Not exactly what I went to college and law school for, but again, I was desperate.

I was told that I did well and they wanted me to come back for a "day of observation" so I could see what it was like to work as a part of this business. So, I came back two days later for what I was told would be a whole-day experience. Definitely an experience.

I arrived early in the morning as each "team" was getting ready to head out for a day of sales. I was in a car with a guy, let's call him Jock, who claimed to have formerly been a pitcher for a major league baseball team. I later saw his name somewhere on the web and it seems that he may have in fact had a cup of coffee in the bigs, but that was about it. One can only assume that had he done better, he would have been in this particular racket. Anyway, with me and Jock was another guy, let's call him Schlemiel. Schlemiel had already joined the company as a salesperson and was a few weeks in to his formal training. He was really not very good at it, which I'll get to later.

So we drove to a particular neighborhood in a town directly north of Boston, and our job was to canvas that area with booklets for a particular neighborhood car wash. We were to greet each house here by saying something along the lines of:

Salesperson: "Nothing serious here, folks, just going around the neighborhood for ------ car wash."

Homeowner: "ok."

Salesperson: "Do you have a car?"

Homeowner: "Sure."

Salesperson: "Do you like to keep it clean?"

Homeowner: "Sure, I guess."

Salesperson: "Well here, check it out."

At "check it out" the goal was to get the coupon book into the hands of the customer. Apparently at this point they're more likely to want to buy it since it actually seemed like a pretty good deal. Anyway, we walked around the neighborhood for a while, with Jock leading the way, and giving Schlemiel the chance to try, and he was TERRIBLE at it. He would get tongue-tied, and couldn't remember the script. After about 15 minutes I had memorized the script. I felt sort of out of place with these folks, and pretty shitty overall about my life at this point. I remember I used some word (don't remember what) and they characterized me as "Mr. Dictionary" or some other moniker denoting my usage of "big" words.

All the while, Jock was also quizzing me on these certain points tat I'm supposed to learn and remember for a quiz at the end of the day. If you check the links above, you'll see some of these key points, but I remember it being weird, like "what makes a successful person" and my answers were not correct, there were certain correct answers I was supposed to give them.

Anyway, we did this for pretty much the whole day until we had essentially canvassed the whole neighborhood trying to peddle these coupon books for the car wash. We sold a few of these books, but all the while I was walking around I was trying to do the math and come up with some scenario where selling these little books could possibly be profitable. I couldn't come up with one.

At the end of the day we all went back to the offices and this was a social gathering time. As each team came back to the office, there was this incredibly weird ritual where if someone sold a certain number of these booklets (say 5) they got to ring a little bell. If they sold a bigger number (maybe 10) they got to ring the bigger bell. Everyone yelled and cheered for them as this was happening. I looked around, not quite sure I was really experiencing what I seemed to be experiencing.

After the bell-ringing ceremony, there was some socializing where I got a chance to meet some of the other sales people. Everyone was REALLY friendly, but they all asked the same question:

Sales people: "So what do you like to do for fun?"

Me: "Well, I enjoy reading, creative writing, spending time with my wife, being active in my Synagogue, etc."

Well, as you can guess, I got these sort of quizzical looks. I think the answer they were looking for was more "I like to work hard, and play hard!!!" or something to that effect.

At the end of the night after I had taken my quiz, Jock came to me and told me that they had a good feeling about me and wanted to bring me in the the business. I really agonized about it for a little while (which in retrospect seems ridiculous) but at the time I was pretty desperate to be working. As I took the T home, I really had to think about it. It became more and more clear though that I felt like it was kind of a scam, and that I'd have to work too hard for not much money, and that, to be honest, it felt beneath me (I know it's a snobby thing to think, but I really didn't feel like I spent 4 years in college and 3 years in law school to be a door-to-door salesman). Additionally, it required having a car, and we only had one car, so that was a problem too.

Thankfully for me, the legal work picked up after that, I had some good temp work for a while and a few months later got a permanent position at a firm. I'll always look back fondly though at my day in sales. I wonder what Jock and Schlemiel are doing now? I hope he's gotten his script down by now.