My Somewhat Comprehensive Guide to Pretty Much Everything that's Wrong with the Star Wars Prequels

So, I've previously discussed my disillusionment with the Star Wars movies, but because of the grassroots groundswell of lobbying and activism, I've decided to create my list of everything I hate about the Star Wars prequels. Not exactly listed out by movie, but generally so. If you think of others, let me know.

1. Idiotic political "intrigue". Taxation of trade routes? Eh? I'm not sure what little kids thought in 1999 when The Phantom Menace ("TPM") came out. I already had the goodwill from the original trilogy saved up by the time the new ones came out, but even I was starting to get wary when they were re-released in 1997 and Lucas made all those stupid changes. One can only imagine that kids, for whom this was their first exposure to Star Wars, were bored silly by all of the political talk. Lucas had 16 years to write a story in between movies, and TPM is what he came up with? I really wish he had taken Spielberg up on his offer to direct the first one, b/c at least Spielberg might have done some interesting things with the material (on the other hand, based on what I heard about "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", those two together are not quite as magic as they used to be).
2. Offensive ethnic characterizations. I deal more with Jar Jar (Jamaican Sambo stereotype) later, but he fits into this category as well as the Trade Federation (cowardly Asian stereotype), Watto (grimy, haggling middle eastern shop owner), and the Banking Clan (um, they control the money and have big noses, why not show them eating space-bagels too). Apart from finding these incredibly insulting, they seem just so lazy and generally inexplicable. Seriously, couldn't you have just given them all voices that weren't stereotypes? Was George Lucas channeling Archie Bunker?
3. Jar Jar. Apart from the racist, offensive shtick, Jar Jar is possibly one of the most annoying characters ever created. His only function is to be essentially useless and to get himself into "funny" trouble. Wow, way to come up with compelling characters to fill screen time.
4. The Pod Race. I'm sure the race is meant to be exciting, but whenever I have seen the movie I have fast-forwarded through the pod race. Even at fast forward, I find it tedious. I know it's supposed to be there to show what a talented pilot Anakin is even when he's just a kid, but I'm thrown off by the fact that there's a "funny" two-headed announcer, and the scene just goes on too $%^&ing long.
5. Jesus Skywalker. Anakin was the product of a virgin birth. Of all the ham-handed analogies, they just had to go there. Couldn't they have just made Palpatine the father? Apparently he was the result of a high concentration of midi-chlorians (which maybe the mom caught somewhere). Which leads us to.....
6. Insertion of Pseudo-Science. I expect fake science in my Star Trek (dillithium crystals, etc.), but there was something magical about "the force". They didn't need to explain it, it was meant to be understood as an Eastern-religion style concept and worked fine as mysticism. But no. They had to go ahead and insert blood tests, and we learn that being strong with the force is actually something in your hemoglobin or whatever.
7. Anakin. The kid who plays Anakin in TPM is sort of whiny and you don't really get much of a sense for him, and is not much of an actor. But he's 8, so you let it go. Hayden Christiensen, however, gets no excuses (well, he gets one excuse, but we'll get to that later). So, here's what we know about Anakin Skywalker from the original trilogy: (a) Obi Wan considered him a good friend, (b) he was a great pilot, (c) he was corrupted by the dark side. Fine. But then you meet Anakin as a teenager, and he is whiny, petulant, sullen and not particularly likable. Seriously, he sulks like a pathetic emo-boy, not the future Dark Sith Lord that he will become. We're supposed to understand that he was really good before, so we should like him and care about him, and his fall from grace should be a big deal. Problem is, we don't like him that much. We also don't see why Obi Wan likes him at all.
8. "Dialogue". This is the part that's not Hayden Christiansen's fault. The dialogue is just terrible. Seriously, put aside any love you have for the series (I know I've had to work hard at this), and just listen. There's some real clunkers in these movies (the "I hate sand" speech, any time they try to talk politics, any time they talk to the Gungans, etc.). They make even really good actors seem wooden, which of course is not just the dialogue but the direction as well. I don't know what happened to Lucas between the first trilogy and these movies, but he should really go back and look at the original ones. There are some real moments of tension and humor in those movies, and some memorable dialogue.
9. "Special" Effects. I won't say a lot here, as there's a lot of cool effects in these movies. I will note, however, that TPM came out in the Summer of 1999, the same time that the Matrix came out. While I enjoy CGI futuristic cityscapes as much as the next guy, the Matrix was a game-changer, and it's hard to look at not just things like bullet-time, but the whole ethos of TPM and wonder why George Lucas wasn't pushing cinema forward with special effects. Some of the CGI looks fake, as well, and you wonder why Lucas didn't use more models since almost all of the scenes from the original series still hold up, and those used models.
10. Random Stupidity #1. In AOTC, Obi Wan goes to what appears to be a 50's-style diner and an alien they might as well call "Big Al" (who appears to be the owner) talks with him. There's a robot waitress who they might as well name "Flo" . The whole sequence is just terrible, and you're wondering why somebody thought to create a "diner" in the middle of the @#$%ing Star Wars Universe? The alien is sitting there with Obi Wan talking and scratching his ass, which is supposed to be "funny", but the whole sequence takes you out of the movie.
11. Random Stupidity #2. General Grievous has a cough. Seriously. The CGI character has a cough throughout the whole movie. You're just waiting for him to ask one of his droids to bring him a cup of tea . He's supposed to this scary bad-ass, and they give him bronchitis . Why? Who knows. Seriously, did it advance the plot at all? Should he have stopped off somewhere for some Robitussin ?
12. Random Stupidity #3. In ROTS Padme dies because the "lost the will to live". Padme just gave birth to twins, so she could have sustained trauma during child birth. Additionally she sustained a "force" attack by Anakin, so that could have done irreversible damage. But no, even though she was medically perfectly healthy, she died because she lost the will to live? She just had 2 kids! Wouldn't she have had the will to live to raise the kids?
13. Lucas and His Audience. These movies are pitched to 6 year olds. This is particularly true of TPM, less so AOTC and ROTS (that one in particular has some pretty dark stuff). Jar Jar, the scatological humor, the goofy "humor" of the announcers at the pod race. This is stuff which is pitched to little kids, but in the most cloying and heavy-handed way (weirdly though, TPM is the worst about this AND about the boring political intrigue).
14. The Waste of Padme. In Episodes I and II, Natalie Portman does a fine job as Padme, bad dialogue notwithstanding. She's active, she's involved in the fighting, she's resourceful, she bares her midriff - she's what you would expect Luke and Leia's mom to be. But in ROTS, her jobs are basically to get emotional, have babies, and die. That's pretty much it. Serious waste of a character.

Ok, that's it for now. There are probably others, but this is what I've got for the moment. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot to like in these movies as well (and I will make a list of things I like at some point as well, to be fair), but some of these just can't be forgiven.